Final Fantasy XIII: As it should have been.

So I could review this game, but that would be kind of pointless, since most of the internet has done that already. It's okay. Not great. But compared to other Final Fantasy games, and yes, I include II, it's basically the worst thing ever.

I mean, what the hell?

So instead, I'll say something constructive. Here's what would have made it a really good game:

1. No TP. TP just doesn't make sense. There is one good ability, Renew, which is understandably expensive. What was the point of the other ones? I'd love to use Quake, there's a lot of enemies that are weak to earth, but I can't because I have to save all my TP for Renew and Summons. TP could have been fixed easily, by making Ethersols available in shops, for less than a billion Gil. Which brings me to number 2:

2. No Gil. What the hell? Is this not a Final Fantasy game? I want to be rolling in Gil. I want more Gil than I know what to do with. I want to be able to exploit the game until the Gil counter can't count up anymore. They've made it so fantastically hard to obtain Gil that they've made it pointless to grind for experience -- you'll get more experience than you'll ever need way before you get the Gil you'll need to upgrade your weapons fully. This is a simple fix as well: give me some Gil when I kill enemies, in addition to components.

3. Components. These should have been thrown out completely. Make them just for making Gil or something. The whole component system is unnecessarily complicated. You end up needing just a couple of the components (Sturdy Bones and Ultracompact Reactors), so why even have all the others in there? The solution: a pool of weapon points, dropped by every enemy. This eliminates the need for billions of Gil to buy Ultracompact Reactors with, and it makes it infinitely easier to upgrade weapons.

4.Weapons. Give them better stats so that I have a reason to use them. Enough said.

5.The world. The Cocoon section of the game went on way too long. In Final Fantasy VII, you had Midgar, a dystopian, futuristic society that most of the main characters hailed from. All the villains lived there. So the first five or six hours of the game take place there, and when you finally leave, it's a breath of fresh air. You have about sixty hours of solid game left, and you get to explore a bunch of exotic locations.

Why couldn't XIII have done this? Give me two levels of military stuff on Cocoon, and then sixty hours of exploration on Pulse. Let me backtrack to my heart's content. Give me towns to explore and societies to get invested in. That way I actually care about the world that's about to get destroyed. How am I supposed to care about Cocoon, which had been shown to be full of a mixture of ignorant racists and comically evil villains?

6. Give me a villain to care about. Barthandelus doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. He wants me to kill Orphan. But then he doesn't tell me what Orphan is? But then it turns out that he is Orphan. So he needed me to help him commit suicide? I don't get it. There is no reason for me to hate this guy. He has literally done nothing to offend me. Actually, the party tried to assassinate him for no real reason, and that's what started our whole "conflict."

Even if he had a cohesive motivation, he's still be a generic "old white dude." You know, the kind of archetype that's usually a villain for the first third of a game, before it gets revealed that he's just a pawn in the plan of some other character with a much cooler design. No one wants to fight old white dudes! A lot of game have been doing this lately (I'm looking at you, Devil May Cry 4), and it's really annoying. I want a bad guy who I can relate to, but who I still want to murder. Maybe when I'm an old(er) white dude, I'll care more about Barthandelus. But I doubt it.

So Square, you should remake your own game, and do it the way I said you should.

Going Down to Cape Girardeau

I think I spelled that right -- didn't even have to look it up!

Me and Stina are heading out today, probably in an hour or two, giving me just enough time to type up a post! Her parents live in Cape, so we're going out to visit them for Memorial Day. I like going down there, because we always get great food and great accommodation. Her family's pretty swell, too!

The drive down to Cape takes about two hours, which is not bad at all. I'll probably use the time to get some work done. (Work I could be doing now, but I don't wanna. SCREW YOU if you think I'm lazy!) I reckon that Christina will probably oblige me by driving the whole way down there; I'll probably drive the whole way back up.

I have a pretty busy week coming up. On Monday we're getting up early and driving back to STL. I'm gonna change clothes and pack some stuff real quick, and then I'm heading out to the Heights to meet up with Grandpa. From there it's off to Kansas City, where we'll meet up with Tom and the boys.

I'm not sure where we'll stay Monday night, but hopefully we'll get to see Debbie and Steve while we're in KC. They usually provide us with food of some sort. Last time we were up there I can't remember what Debbie made, but I do remember that it was delicious! (I need to remind myself to return Super Princess Peach to Cousin Caroline. I've had that game forever.)

Early to bed, early to rise, then it's 36 holes plus extras Tuesday morning at the National. It's a big damn golf course that I've been to many times in the past. I really don't mind doing it, since the help there is always so stellar. We'll probably be finished around noon, assuming no machines break. Knock on wood.

This will be Cousin Casey's first run up to KC with us, and it's his inaugural summer with E&E. I'm sure he'll do fine, though, I think being awesome at stuff kind of runs in his family. Hell, I'm in his family, and I'm pretty awesome, right?

Back to STL Tuesday evening, and a good night's rest. I think me and my brudda are going to Sedalia either Tuesday or Wednesday to visit my dad's folks, who I haven't seen in several months. Like I said, it's gonna be a busy week!

Then, week after next, Christina and I are going to Chicago for a few days. I plan to take it easy!

Sick

I've been sick the past few days, but I decided to take a new approach to being sick. My usual approach was to just languish in bed for a week and a half, barely eating and subsisting mostly on water and cough drops. Copious amounts of Tylenol Cold & Sinus were thrown in, just to add a bit of variety to my diet.

This system DOES NOT WORK.

I often wondered why I always got sick for such a long time anytime I got even the most minor of colds. I would always end up having to go to the doctor after my mucus turned green, the sure sign of a full-blown sinus infection.

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I get sick for a few days like normal people?

Part of it is the old mind over matter thing. That's right, it's not just for ninja movies anymore. It's important to stay positive. Our bodies' immune systems respond to emotions. If you think this sounds like hogwash, I direct your attention to the concept of a placebo: your body responds as if medicine had been administered, simply because you think actual medicine has been administered.

So, if you think you're never gonna get better, you never will get better. This is a lesson I have learned the hard way. I can remember the time I had a fever for five days straight, and also the time that I had a sore throat for a week and a half without fail.

But just thinking you're going to get better isn't going to automatically make you better. You need to take care of yourself, son. Over the counter meds are great for this. I recommend anything with the words "cold & sinus" on it for pain and fever relief, as well as some cough drops. Sucrets are my favorite, but Halls are good too. Cherry flavor is the best, stay away from Menthol. YOU WERE WARNED.

The number one problem I have when I'm sick is going to sleep. That's why God gave man Nyquil. I think it's in Genesis, where on the eighth day he looketh down on earth, and see-eth that man is ill, and cannot sleep for mucus didst clog his nose and scratchiness didst irritate his throat. Thus God gaveth an elixir, for the promotion of sleepy times. And it was good.

Seriously, Nyquil is the bomb. I'm out like a rock. Don't worry about that sissy little dosage cup they give you, drink it straight from the bottle. Three swallows if you want a solid eight hours, six swallows if you wanna skip a day.

There's one last thing you have to do when you're sick, and that's eat. Your body wastes a lot of energy fighting disease, and if you don't eat right, it's not going to be able to get all the energy it needs. You'll stay sick for longer, and your body will have to take the protein it needs FROM YOUR OWN MUSCLES.

So no vegetarian stuff. You need protein. I guess you could eat a barrel of soy beans every day, but that sounds kind of gross to me. The best source of protein is meat. Cheeseburgers, steaks, chicken breast, pork chops. These are all great sources of protein. Beef is the best. Eat eggs for breakfast, and snack on some nuts between meals.

Whenever I get sick my appetite decreases a lot, but I've learned to make myself eat anyway. Three squares is necessary to getting better, even if the thought of food makes you kind of nauseous. Food can never be bad for you.

Vitamin C is great too, but it's not a cure all. A glass of orange juice is all the Vitamin C your body can really handle in a day, so don't overdo it. Don't buy into those vitamin doses they sell at Wallgreen's, the ones that give you like 500% of your daily Vitamin C. Your body can only absorb so much, so you'll end up peeing the rest of it out.

I'm still sick, but I'm a lot better than I was a couple days ago. I guess I should try to get some work done, but I hate working when I'm sick. My dad would say that working while you're sick is a reality of being an adult. I don't think I wanna be an adult yet.

(Note to readers: Andy is not a doctor. He takes no responsibility for possible fatalities as a result of medical advice contained in this post.)