Sick

I've been sick the past few days, but I decided to take a new approach to being sick. My usual approach was to just languish in bed for a week and a half, barely eating and subsisting mostly on water and cough drops. Copious amounts of Tylenol Cold & Sinus were thrown in, just to add a bit of variety to my diet.

This system DOES NOT WORK.

I often wondered why I always got sick for such a long time anytime I got even the most minor of colds. I would always end up having to go to the doctor after my mucus turned green, the sure sign of a full-blown sinus infection.

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I get sick for a few days like normal people?

Part of it is the old mind over matter thing. That's right, it's not just for ninja movies anymore. It's important to stay positive. Our bodies' immune systems respond to emotions. If you think this sounds like hogwash, I direct your attention to the concept of a placebo: your body responds as if medicine had been administered, simply because you think actual medicine has been administered.

So, if you think you're never gonna get better, you never will get better. This is a lesson I have learned the hard way. I can remember the time I had a fever for five days straight, and also the time that I had a sore throat for a week and a half without fail.

But just thinking you're going to get better isn't going to automatically make you better. You need to take care of yourself, son. Over the counter meds are great for this. I recommend anything with the words "cold & sinus" on it for pain and fever relief, as well as some cough drops. Sucrets are my favorite, but Halls are good too. Cherry flavor is the best, stay away from Menthol. YOU WERE WARNED.

The number one problem I have when I'm sick is going to sleep. That's why God gave man Nyquil. I think it's in Genesis, where on the eighth day he looketh down on earth, and see-eth that man is ill, and cannot sleep for mucus didst clog his nose and scratchiness didst irritate his throat. Thus God gaveth an elixir, for the promotion of sleepy times. And it was good.

Seriously, Nyquil is the bomb. I'm out like a rock. Don't worry about that sissy little dosage cup they give you, drink it straight from the bottle. Three swallows if you want a solid eight hours, six swallows if you wanna skip a day.

There's one last thing you have to do when you're sick, and that's eat. Your body wastes a lot of energy fighting disease, and if you don't eat right, it's not going to be able to get all the energy it needs. You'll stay sick for longer, and your body will have to take the protein it needs FROM YOUR OWN MUSCLES.

So no vegetarian stuff. You need protein. I guess you could eat a barrel of soy beans every day, but that sounds kind of gross to me. The best source of protein is meat. Cheeseburgers, steaks, chicken breast, pork chops. These are all great sources of protein. Beef is the best. Eat eggs for breakfast, and snack on some nuts between meals.

Whenever I get sick my appetite decreases a lot, but I've learned to make myself eat anyway. Three squares is necessary to getting better, even if the thought of food makes you kind of nauseous. Food can never be bad for you.

Vitamin C is great too, but it's not a cure all. A glass of orange juice is all the Vitamin C your body can really handle in a day, so don't overdo it. Don't buy into those vitamin doses they sell at Wallgreen's, the ones that give you like 500% of your daily Vitamin C. Your body can only absorb so much, so you'll end up peeing the rest of it out.

I'm still sick, but I'm a lot better than I was a couple days ago. I guess I should try to get some work done, but I hate working when I'm sick. My dad would say that working while you're sick is a reality of being an adult. I don't think I wanna be an adult yet.

(Note to readers: Andy is not a doctor. He takes no responsibility for possible fatalities as a result of medical advice contained in this post.)